I came across a TikTok recently — one person asked another, "Why are you so confident?"
She smiled and replied, "I think you guys think too much about yourselves."
And that struck me to the core.
I've spent so much of my youth chasing confidence, clinging to every self-help tip like it might finally fix me. I just wanted to feel worthy. But even now, my hands tremble when I speak to strangers. My voice shakes in meetings. My heart races when all eyes turn toward me.
And I realise —
All this time, I've been obsessed with how others perceive me.
Do I sound smart enough? Do I look okay? Did I say the right thing?
Me, me, me. I, I, I.
I end up making myself the center of the story. I stood under a spotlight I created, then wondered why I felt so exposed. So suffocated.
I used to think that confidence meant being the loudest, most active, and most satisfied person in the room — the one with the sharpest wit, the most connections, the biggest laugh. However, I've come to realise that confidence can take various forms.
It can be the whisper in your head that says, "It's okay, you are here and that is enough". It can be quiet, no noise at all. It lives in the silence between breaths, in the courage to keep going without applause.
Maybe it's not about thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. By doing that, you allow yourself to be more present, to genuinely live.
to listen, without rehearsing a right response.
to observe others, without comparing yourself to them.
to live truthfully, without the need to perform.
Anxieties and self-doubts are self-created in the realms of our consciousness, and by that definition, can only be self-cured. Step by step, we can unlearn the performative definitions of confidence and replace them with something gentler. Something sustainable.
A quiet pride. A soft presence. A steady rhythm in a loud world.
Maybe the goal is not to get rid of fear. But to live with it, to know that it's there but can no longer take control.
Maybe the goal is not to become the center of attention, but the center of affection. To give and receive warmth, regardless of how we think others think about us.
to speak, even when your voice shakes.
to dance, even when your legs are uncertain.
to live wholeheartedly — flawed, human, real — despite the imaginative, judgy voices inside our heads.
And in those small, trembling moments,
Maybe that's where true confidence is born.