This past month in my office, I've seen many tears, prompting reflection on what they signify. New Year's Eve often serves as a temporal landmark, a psychological marker that encourages intense self-evaluation. The post-holiday period can trigger financial stress, loneliness, and anxiety over unmet resolutions, making January a particularly emotionally challenging time.
Why Crying Is So Often Suppressed
Crying serves as an essential emotional release, yet many people find it surprisingly difficult. From early childhood, we are often taught to suppress emotional expression. Cultural and familial norms dictate when and how crying is acceptable, creating invisible barriers that disconnect us from this natural response.
In some cultures, boys are taught that crying signifies weakness, leading to shame or embarrassment around emotional expression. While women may face fewer overt restrictions, they are still at risk of being dismissed as overly emotional or irrational. Regardless of gender, crying remains largely taboo in professional settings, where composure is often valued over authenticity.
The Lasting Impact of Childhood Experiences
Childhood experiences with crying profoundly shape adult emotional responses. Children raised in validating environments learn that expressing emotion is safe and meaningful. When a crying child is met with comfort and understanding, they internalize the belief that their feelings matter.
In contrast, children who are dismissed or punished for crying may suppress emotional expression, learning to disconnect from their feelings as a survival strategy. These early lessons influence emotional habits throughout life, not only how often we cry, but how we feel about crying itself.
The Biology of Tears: More Than Just Water
Understanding the biology of tears further highlights their value. Humans produce three types of tears: basal, reflex, and emotional. Basal tears continuously lubricate the eyes, forming a protective film that maintains moisture and removes debris. Reflex tears are triggered by irritants such as smoke, wind, or onions, serving a protective role by flushing harmful substances from the eyes.
Emotional tears arise from intense psychological experiences, including sadness, joy, frustration, or awe. These tears contain higher concentrations of stress-related hormones than other types. Crying may help reduce physiological stress, offering benefits that extend beyond emotional expression alone.
How Crying Evolves Across the Lifespan
The function of crying evolves across the lifespan. Infants rely on crying as their primary form of communication, signaling hunger, discomfort, or the need for connection. This behavior is essential for survival, ensuring caregivers respond to their needs.
As children mature, emotional regulation develops alongside cognitive growth. The "terrible twos" are marked by intense emotional expression, a critical period during which parental responses shape long-term emotional health. When caregivers respond with patience and support, children learn that emotions are manageable and valid. In contrast, punitive or dismissive responses can teach children that emotions are dangerous or shameful.
Adolescence introduces additional complexity. Social awareness and gender norms can create pressure to suppress tears in order to conform to ideals of toughness, reinforced by messages such as "big boys don't cry." Pubertal hormonal changes heighten emotional intensity, creating tension between biological urges and social expectations. This conflict can be deeply confusing during identity formation.
In adulthood, accumulated life experience, cultural conditioning, and biology shape how and when people cry. Some individuals cry easily, while others rarely shed tears even in moments of deep emotion. Interestingly, many older adults report greater comfort with crying, perhaps due to fewer social constraints and a clearer sense of perspective.
Why Crying Supports Emotional Health
Crying serves as a powerful indicator of emotional truth. Tears express feelings that are often difficult to articulate, offering a nonverbal language that connects us to deeper emotional awareness. Crying can be cathartic, relieving emotional pain and fostering resilience.
Socially, crying can elicit empathy and support, strengthening relationships during moments of vulnerability. Witnessing another person's tears often activates caregiving instincts, highlighting crying's evolutionary role in fostering connection and mutual aid.
Expressing emotion through tears also promotes healthier coping. Suppressed emotions do not disappear; they accumulate and may emerge as anxiety, depression, physical symptoms, or emotional outbursts. Allowing oneself to cry enables emotional processing rather than emotional avoidance.
Letting Tears Do Their Work
Whether prompted by grief, beauty, joy, or the sheer weight of existence, tears are not a sign of weakness. They reflect emotional wholeness and a courageous willingness to be vulnerable, often a prerequisite for growth and healing.
In both my professional work and personal life, I've learned that tears often mark moments when we encounter our truest emotions, stripped of the defenses we use to navigate daily life. When the urge to cry arises, allowing that release can foster understanding and restoration. Tears are a biological, psychological, and social gift, one that connects us to ourselves and to others in a profoundly human way.
And as I often remind myself: This too shall pass.