Everyone farts — it's a biological fact. But whether you interpret that odorous puff of air as a harmless (even funny) fact of life or a gross human indecency turns out to be surprisingly telling — and apparently, controversial enough to spark a passionate internet debate: Were you raised in a fart-pride household, or a fart-shame one? In other words: Do you feel perfectly comfortable letting one slip in front of your family, or does the thought sound rude, awkward, or just plain disgusting?
What it means if you grew up in a fart-pride household
So you grew up passing gas around your family. It doesn't matter how loud, smelly, or annoyingly ill-timed: To you, a fart is just a fart — one you let rip as soon as the urge strikes, without embarrassment and maybe even with a snug hint of pride. There might have been some playful finger-pointing about who did it, or a dramatic "Ew!" in response to a silent-but-deadly surprise. Ultimately, though, there was no panic or shame from your parents or siblings. It was treated as casually as a cough or sneeze.
When you're raised in an environment where something widely considered off-putting is treated like no big deal, therapists say it usually reflects someone's ability to embrace, rather than hide, their own imperfections. "These individuals may be more likely to view close relationships as spaces where they're valued for being authentic and accepted for being vulnerable," whether that be with a close friend or a romantic partner, Shannon Chavez Qureshi, PsyD, AASECT-certified sex therapist and clinical psychologist based in Los Angeles, tells SELF.
That ease can show up in subtle, everyday ways. Laughing (and snorting) loudly; cuddling despite having morning breath; dancing terribly without worrying about who's watching. "It doesn't mean there are no boundaries," Dr. Chavez points out. "Rather, that the boundaries are communicated with less shame and permission to be real and human."
What about a fart-shame home?
It's not that you were forbidden to fart — or that anyone would explode in anger if one did slip out. But much like you wouldn't burp in your mom's face, farting was treated as something to minimize, control, or at least be considerate about.
On the surface, it can seem as if someone born from a fart-shame environment is simply being polite, sparing loved ones from distasteful indecencies when they can. "Some people are raised to maintain a certain element of decorum," Dr. Gallagher says. And instead of laughing or celebrating these awkward moments, they probably hold it in until they're alone, sneak off to a reasonably close bathroom, or respond with a profuse apology (or instinctive embarrassment) when a toot slips out despite their best efforts.
However, this habitual self-monitoring often runs deeper than etiquette, according to Dr. Chavez: "Underneath, there can be tension around letting others see the more imperfect or spontaneous parts of themselves," which can manifest as perfectionism, fear of judgment, or an increased concern with appearing attractive and socially desirable, particularly in romantic relationships.