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There is someone I keep thinking about, a friend who once occupied most of my trivial, glowing days, yet now exists only in the gaps of my memory. We study in separate high schools, divided not by a great distance, but by endless classes, piles of test papers, and the quiet, unspoken shift that slowly pulled us apart.
I still clearly remember the afternoons back in middle school. The sunlight slanted through dusty classroom windows, gilding the edge of her hair. We would pass crumpled little notes under the desk, whisper jokes to hold back our laughter during boring lectures, and walk home shoulder to shoulder after school. We stopped by the street stall to buy cold lemon tea, shared one pair of earphones on the way, and made countless soft promises. We swore we would stay close no matter which high school we got into. We imagined wandering the bookstore together on weekends, sitting side by side to finish homework, and watching the sunset on the rooftop when the pressure of study weighed us down. At that time, we truly believed nothing could break our bond.
The admission results came, and we went to different schools. At first, we texted every night without fail. We ranted about strict teachers, terrible exam scores, and strange new classmates. I would save funny pictures and beautiful cloud photos immediately, waiting to send them to her. But gradually, the replies grew slower. Her break time clashed with mine. When I finished my evening self-study and sent her a long message, she had already fallen asleep, worn out by her own heavy schedule. Our conversations shrank from long paragraphs to simple "I'm busy", "Good night".
I still catch myself reaching for my phone when I see a gorgeous sunset, or taste a snack we used to love. My fingers hover over her chat box, and then I hesitate. I do not know what to say anymore. I am afraid my excited sharing will turn into a boring disturbance. I am afraid she has already found new friends who fit her current life better, people who eat lunch with her, walk the hallway with her, and witness all the small joys that I can no longer be part of. We do not fight, we never had a quarrel. This is the saddest part. Our friendship faded gently and silently, like mist melting away in daylight, with no one to blame.
