As Valentine's Day approaches, finding the perfect words to express your feelings for that special someone can seem like a daunting task – so much so that you may feel tempted to ask ChatGPT for an assist.
After all, within seconds it can dash off a well-written, romantic message. Even a short, personalized limerick or poem is no sweat.
Generative AI has transformed how many people communicate. From drafting work emails to composing social media posts, these tools have become everyday writing assistants. So it's no wonder some people are turning to them for more personal matters, too.
But there's a catch: When you present these words as your own, something doesn't sit right.
We conducted five experiments with hundreds of participants, asking them to imagine using generative AI to write various emotional messages to loved ones. Across every scenario we tested – from appreciation emails to birthday cards to love letters – we found the same pattern: People felt guilty when they used generative AI to write these messages compared to when they wrote the messages themselves.
When you copy an AI-generated message and sign your name to it, you're essentially taking credit for words you didn't write.
When you use AI, even though you might tell yourself you're just being efficient, you can probably recognize, deep down, that you're misleading the recipient about the personal effort and thought that went into the message.
To better understand this guilt, we compared AI-generated messages to other scenarios. When people bought greeting cards with preprinted messages, they felt no guilt at all. This is because greeting cards are transparently not written by you. Greeting cards carry no deception: Everyone understands you selected the card and that you didn't write it yourself.
These findings confirm that the guilt stems from violating expectations of honesty in relationships where emotional authenticity matters most.
Somewhat relatedly, research has found that people react more negatively when they learn a company used AI instead of a human to write a message to them.
But the backlash was strongest when audiences expected personal effort – a boss expressing sympathy after a tragedy, or a note sent to all staff members celebrating a colleague's recovery from a health scare. It was far weaker for purely factual or instructional notes, such as announcing routine personnel changes or providing basic business updates.
So, what should you do about that looming Valentine's Day message? Our research suggests that the human hand behind a meaningful message can help both the writer and the recipient feel better.
This doesn't mean you can't use generative AI as a brainstorming partner rather than a ghostwriter. Let it help you overcome writer's block or suggest ideas, but make the final message truly yours. Edit, personalize and add details that only you would know. The key is co-creation, not complete delegation.
This Valentine's Day, your heart and your conscience might thank you for keeping your message genuinely your own.