Stress, challenges and failure are a part of life, but how we emotionally respond to them can shape our future.
As Shakespeare put it, "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so" — an observation that reflects the power of an emotion-regulation strategy psychologists call cognitive reappraisal or reframing.
Cognitive reappraisal is "magical" because it showcases "an almost infinite capacity that humans have to change their own emotional experiences," said Iris Mauss, a professor of psychology at the University of California at Berkeley.
Research shows that applying this strategy in appropriate situations has mental health benefits such as building resilience — a reason cognitive reappraisal is a major component in different types of therapies, including cognitive behavioral therapy.
It's hard to directly change our emotional responses — we cannot "will away" sadness, Mauss said, but by reframing what a situation meant, we can change how we feel downstream.
One is reinterpreting a situation and "looking on the bright side," said Bryan Denny, an associate professor of psychological sciences at Rice University.
For example, getting into a fender bender on your way to work can be stressful or scary, but you could reframe it as not being as bad as it could have been — no one got hurt, for instance. Or maybe it could even have a silver lining — you needed to replace your bumper anyway.
Perhaps "you can't change the situation, but you can think about it differently," Denny said.
The other is psychological distancing. "You don't change the meaning, but you change how important it is to you by envisioning yourself far, far in the future or physically far, far away," Mauss said.
For example, how probable is it that you will even remember that fender bender 10 years from now?
Research shows that cognitive reappraisal can reduce negative emotions such as hopelessness or feelings of sadness or disappointment, or increase positive emotions such as hopefulness or feelings of strength or joy.
"This, over time, adds up to greater well-being, greater satisfaction with life, more psychological well-being, better social connections, even less depression and anxiety," Mauss said.
Cognitive reappraisal helps dampen our brain's emotional threat response.
In neuroimaging studies, when participants are shown negative images that produce a strong reaction, the amygdala — our brain's internal threat detector — would be activated if they did not use any emotional regulation strategy.
Using cognitive reappraisal engages the prefrontal cortex regions, brain areas that are important for executive functions and higher cognition. The prefrontal cortex is thought to inhibit activity in the amygdala, leading to less negative emotion, said Lopez.
Other studies find that cognitive reappraisal also affects our physiology, such as lowering our heart rate.
Finding positive meaning in memories of negative events actually updates the memory, making it more positive the next time it is recalled, according to a 2021 neuroimaging study.
There are limits to cognitive reappraisal, and it still needs to match reality.
Sometimes, we can engage in what Mauss called "self-gaslighting," where you're lying to yourself as a shortcut to feeling better, but the reappraisal is "not an authentic or realistic one" and is potentially tied to a toxic positivity where people want to just feel good.
There is no one-size-fits-all strategy to reframing. Instead, it is important to have cognitive reappraisal in our "toolbox" of emotion-regulation strategies and adaptively select for the situation, Lopez said.
Here is what experts advise:
1.Begin with acceptance.
First, embrace and nonjudgmentally assess what you are feeling in the moment.
"Encountering our emotions with curiosity and awareness, and not judgment, can be a really great first — and sometimes only — step to engage with our emotions," Mauss said.
2.Know you can change your feelings.
Choosing to use cognitive appraisal may sound trivial, but it isn't. Many people believe their emotions are "really powerful, animalistic forces" that cannot be changed, Mauss said. Research shows that holding these "entity beliefs" is correlated with worse psychological health, including lower well-being and increased depressive and anxiety symptoms.
"Don't be afraid of your emotions," Mauss said. "It's a human, normal response. We all have strong emotions. That doesn't mean that they will overwhelm us."
3.Identify ways of reappraising.
Could it be less bad or more positive than you initially thought? How will you think about this five or 10 years from now?
For intense, negative experiences, research shows that psychological distancing might be more effective in high-octane situations.
"Taking a step back and trying to see the situation as more of a third-person observer might be helpful if you feel that something is very overwhelming," Denny said.
4.Get feedback.
Ask someone close to you about how your reappraisal went from their perspective, Lopez said. Journaling can also be an effective outlet for getting your appraisals out on paper and gaining some distance from them, he said.