"More than anything else, children need someone in their life who listens," says child psychologist Kenneth Barish. Grandparents, he argues, can often be that person.
Barish, a clinical professor of psychology at Weill Cornell Medicine, has spent four decades working with children and families. In his book The Art and Science of Parenting and Grandparenting, he describes grandparents as more than practical helpers. Their attention, encouragement and patience can give children a stronger sense of emotional security.
He calls these everyday exchanges "molecules of emotional health." A grandparent may listen when a child feels disappointed, show interest in a favorite activity or remind them that painful feelings do not last forever. Such moments can teach children that problems can be solved and damaged relationships can be repaired.
Shared enjoyment matters too. Playing together and showing genuine enthusiasm for a child's interests can strengthen family relationships. The value does not come from delivering a perfect lesson. It comes from giving children the confident expectation that someone will notice, listen and try to understand.
Barish also believes that adults should help children find purpose beyond grades and personal achievement. Conversations about kindness, empathy and other people's needs can become part of ordinary family life. Volunteering together is another way to show children that helping others can be meaningful.
At the same time, grandparents and parents should pay attention to how they respond when children make mistakes. In Barish's clinical work, excessive criticism is a common problem. He argues that frequent criticism often creates resentment rather than motivation and can weaken a child's willingness to keep trying.
Praise also works best when it is specific. Drawing on psychologist Carol Dweck's work on the "growth mindset," Barish recommends praising effort and learning instead of intelligence, talent or grades. This directs attention toward what a child can improve rather than treating ability as something fixed.
When difficult behavior appears, Barish favors collaborative problem-solving. Adults can involve children in finding a solution and allow them a chance to reset after emotions have settled. He considers this more helpful than relying only on punishment.
His larger message is that emotional strength grows through repeated conversations and relationships. Children do need guidance, but they also need adults who help them feel less alone. Grandparents may be especially well placed to offer that steady presence, not through grand gestures, but through time, attention and the willingness to listen.