In this article, I'll share three science-supported strategies to reclaim up to 10 hours a month.
Reclaim Your Time from the Past and the Future
Do you replay past conversations in your head, telling yourself, "I should've handled that meeting differently," or "was I too hard on my kids?" Or do you have a running ticker tape of to-dos or what-ifs running through your mind at all times?
Thoughts about the past and the future can feel productive. You tell yourself that you're reviewing what went wrong to avoid mistakes next time or scanning ahead to prevent anything from slipping through the cracks.
The problem is that attention is a limited resource, and when part of you is stuck in yesterday or tomorrow, you lose out on making the most of the present. You're distracted, so you're inefficient, re-reading the same sentence over and over or taking twice as long to complete your tasks. Staying focused on what's right in front of you — the present moment — will actually help you move through your day with efficiency; I'd argue that it earns you at least an hour or two back per week.
Plus, imagine applying that same present-focus to your family, friends, and hobbies without the noise of past ruminations or future worries crowding in. In addition to getting time back, you'll also maximize your joy.
How to get started: Choose one activity — drinking your morning coffee, commuting, loading the dishwasher — to practice giving your full attention to the present moment. Your mind will definitely wander, and that's OK. The goal is to simply bring your attention back to your chosen activity. Every time you do that, you're strengthening your attentional muscle. Over time, you'll be able to extend this skill to more tasks.
A Different Perspective on What it Means to Say No
A major component of getting time back for yourself each month is simply taking on less. If this makes you feel uncomfortable, that makes sense. Many of us have been socialized to see "no" as selfish. We worry that if we don't say yes, people will be disappointed, things won't get done the "right" way, or we'll lose our edge.
Rigid thinking ("My boss will think less of me if I don't volunteer for this") keeps your schedule full of time sucking obligations. Flexible thinking means considering other possibilities, instead of just accepting your first thought as an absolute fact. For example, you could practice telling yourself, "Saying 'no' to this project means I will have the space to do better quality work on the project I've already taken on."
Cognitive flexibility is the ability to shift perspective and adapt your thinking when old rules or assumptions aren't serving you.
How to get started: The next time you feel the pull to automatically say yes, pause. Ask yourself: What am I afraid will happen if I say no? If you're worried that you'll disappoint people, do you have any evidence that this will happen? What's the real likelihood that your boundary will be upsetting to others? What if someone is upset with you — could you handle that? How would you cope?
Values-Based Calendar Edit
Most of us fill our days reactively — attending a meeting because we got a calendar invite or volunteering at our kids' school's fall festival because the PTA reached out. It's only later, when we're exhausted, that we realize how many of those commitments weren't aligned with what we actually value.
A values-based calendar edit is the antidote. Values are your aspirational life directions. They define how you want to show up in your relationships, your career, and for yourself. For example, my main career value is to help others in a meaningful way. My main parenting value is to be present-focused during quality time with my kids.
When you apply a values lens to your calendar, you'll ask yourself things like "Does staying late to finish up these emails move me closer to the kind of life I'm trying to create?" In my case, reminding myself that I didn't become a clinical psychologist to answer emails helps me close Outlook and focus on writing an article that can help others!
When your time aligns with what's meaningful to you — whether that's growth, connection, creativity, or health — you automatically get hours back because you stop spending them on things that drain you.
How to get started: Look at your calendar for the next two weeks and highlight activities that clearly connect to your core values. Then, identify one or two recurring commitments that don't match up with the life you want to be living. Consider extracting yourself from these obligations — and once you've done so, protect the space you've reclaimed. Each values-based choice compounds, freeing time every single week!