'Wow, must be nice.'
This phrase often masks feelings like hurt, jealousy or feeling overlooked. Rather than naming the emotion directly, it comes out as sarcasm, which can create distance instead of understanding.
You might say this after your friend casually mentions a luxurious vacation with a different group or an exciting life update that you secretly feel jealous or excluded from.
'You do you' or 'If that's what you want to do...'
Thinly veiled as a supportive statement, this actually means 'I don't agree with what you're doing, but I'm not going to say it outright. A healthier alternative would be 'I actually don't think that's a healthy choice for you. Are you open to hearing why I think that?'
'Chill out, it was a joke!'
A real joke would be funny, and if someone has a reaction it's likely because there's something underlying there.
'Do whatever you want.'
This often sounds like agreement, but underneath it usually reflects resignation or feeling unheard. Instead of true consent, it can be a way of withdrawing while avoiding direct conflict.
'You are overreacting to this.'
Anything that invalidates a person's reaction by categorizing them as sensitive or the like can be considered passive-aggressive.
Instead of undermining the other person's feelings by criticizing their reaction, have a dialogue.
'It sounds like you don't really care what I think.'
This kind of language puts blame and shame on the other person, rather than naming what's actually happening, which is that we feel hurt. What we usually mean is something much more vulnerable and honest, like, 'When I shared my opinion and you didn't react, I felt hurt because it felt like my perspective didn't matter.'
'It's fine.'
This becomes passive-aggressive when it's said while someone is clearly upset. The words suggest neutrality, but the tone, energy or behavior communicates something very different.
Underneath the veneer of a passive-aggressive "fine" is usually another sentiment: "Something doesn't feel okay, but I'm not sure how, or if it's safe, to say what it is."
A more supportive alternative would be 'I'm feeling a bit bothered and need a little time, but I do want to talk about it'.
'I guess you don't think it's important to spend time with your friends.'
This is another statement that puts a lot on your friend, rather than tackling the negative emotions you're feeling.
Try 'When you canceled plans to spend time with your partner, I felt hurt because it felt like our friendship wasn't being prioritised'.