We devise a loose script for how to politely answer (or deflect) relatives' prying questions.
Are you seeing someone?
What you're really thinking: Do first dates on Tinder count? Why can't I get a second date? Must you constantly remind me how sad and lonely I am?
What you should say instead: No, I'm currently working on improving myself. I believe that will help me find a suitable mate who will make me and my parents happy.
Can you teach English/math/physics to my kid?
What you're really thinking: You couldn't pay me enough to spend more time with my "precious" little cousin.
What you should say instead: It's been so long since I was in school, I wouldn't be the best tutor. If he didn't do well on a test, I could never forgive myself.
How much do you make?
What you're really thinking: If I tell you, the whole village will know in a matter of days.
What you should say instead: I'm still early in my career, but I make enough to support myself and send some money back to my parents each month.
Why don't you move closer home to work?
What you're really thinking: So I can see you more frequently? No, thanks.
What you should say instead: Work is going really well for me right now, and you just don't get the same opportunities back home. But I do miss my parents very much, and I call them every week.
Are you fatter than last year?
What you're really thinking: I hate how you pinch my arm to assess my weight gain each year. Sure, this year you say I'm too fat, but you thought I looked malnourished last year. There's no winning with you.
What you should say instead: Work has been so busy, and I have so many responsibilities that I haven't found the time to exercise regularly.
You look dark.
What you're really thinking: I don't subscribe to your archaic view that only fair skin is beautiful. You should also know those products people use to lighten their skin are dangerous. Besides, I think I look good tanned.
What you should say instead: Hiking is such a wonderful outdoor activity where you get fresh air and sunshine. We should go together sometime.